Jealousy is something that everyone has to deal with in varying degrees in many facets of our lives. Jealousy can be fervently attached to almost anything worth having; material possessions, social status, job positions, spiritual evolvement, innate talents, character traits, special skills, and the biggie - relationships.

In my opinion, jealousy is an action; a representative of negativity that shouts loudly as it moves forward in the realm or our minds, What I have does not compare to what they have. What I have is less than theirs. And these statements are based in insecurity, mistrust and most importantly fear.

This fear that we will never have enough, never be enough, never compare to others and never live up to unrealistic, idealized expectations is paralyzing enough without it trickling into the foundation of one of our most basic societal dynamics - our love relationships. But yet it exists. And festers. And damages. And destructs.

Jealousy is a relationship killer. And it cannot be present in an open one. So, how does one get around a huge, destructive force such as jealousy when one is practically inviting it into the fray when a decision is made to open up a marriage or a relationship? The answer is two-fold.

First, the relationship must be solid. There must already be in place a strong foundation of communication. If there isn't, be prepared, and learn to talk, talk, talk. Discussing feelings about the present, fears surrounding what could happen in the future, opening up dialogue to vulnerable subjects that may be buried in the emotional past are all ways to communicate with each other. Speak of what you need. Explain what you are jealous of.

For example, I was initially jealous of my husband's girlfriend. I was jealous of her physical attributes. She is thinner than me. Her breasts are larger, fuller; her tummy is tighter. She is pretty. This made me feel insecure. It made me feel less than. But after discussing these feelings with my husband and going inward, inside of myself, I remembered that I am perfect just as I am and that is why he loves me. Okay, so my body isn't quite as perfect as hers, but I am also16 years older than she is! She is quite pretty, but then so am I. There are pretty women everywhere. I can appreciate beauty, so why not in her? Reconciling my own inner demons and insecurities and telling myself I am equal if not more than, really did go a long way in validating my self worth. Having my primary partner (my husband) validate these with me also created the security needed to push past the jealousy.

Secondly, allow yourself to have jealousy and do not judge yourself for feeling fearful. In an open arrangement, the fear can often be boiled down to the basic fear of losing your partner to someone else. Someone perhaps younger, prettier (or handsomer), someone funnier, more adventurous, more spirited, more sexual or whatever quality it is that your mind decides to qualify as more. Although this is just insecurity in motion, it is still a fairly normal way to feel. Processing the jealousy and the fear is what is important. Taking the charge out of the fear so that it doesn’t consume, paralyze and destroy your inner self is paramount to overcoming the jealousy.